Eldest, Trouble-maker, and Baby. These are the three archetypes that define sibling relationships. However, I fit neither of these. I grew up the second eldest daughter of four siblings. My sister was the eldest, the
My sister was the eldest, the baby-sitter of the rest of us. She was the responsible one, the one allowed to stay out until midnight. My first brother, a year younger than I, was the trouble-maker of the family.
He seemed to take to it like a fish in water, because he was always in trouble. My youngest brother was the baby of the family and could do no wrong. My role was very much in the background.
Growing up, I often received the least amount of attention. I was quiet, studious, and rarely ever caused any trouble. A footprint of my life: When my baby brother was born, I was the only one not at the hospital waiting for him. I had brought this up to my mother.
She swore that I was at the hospital with the rest of the family. She swore to it, right up until I brought out the family photo taken at the hospital. A photo I was clearly not in. Instead, I had the memory of being home alone, wondering why the rest of the family wasn’t there.
From the ages of 5 through 10, I had been sexually abused by a friend of the family, an uncle figure. He was caught and sent to jail. The same thing happened when I was 14, lasting until I was 19 years of age. When I reached 19, I cut all ties with him and took the first opportunity I could to move as far as possible.
My first experience with massage occurred when I was 12 years old. My step-sister has a build-up of pain in her back and hands. One day, I saw her mother massaging her hands. I asked them about it later and was told about some of the healing properties of massages. This was where my interest began.
My step-mother taught me how to massage my step-sister. It was one of the most rewarding feelings I had experienced up until then. The idea that I could help people through touch was such a marvel thing that I researched it a little, figured it wasn’t possible because I had no way to pay for school (I had not known about scholarships at the time), and shoved the idea to the back of my mind.
Then, things changed. In 2013, I was a student at the Sierra Nevada Job Corps Center. I had applied to college because they said they would pay my way for two years. I had applied on a whim, not thinking that I would ever be accepted, because I had nothing to speak of. I got accepted. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.
At this point, I had even forgotten massage as a possibility. Since I had taken the Job Corps training program in Security, I decided to try for my Associate’s in Criminal Justice, of which I am only one course away from completing. What do I do after I get my degree, though? I had no idea.
As I was searching the bookstore for my latest text, I happened across a book on massage careers and bought it. One of the phrases struck me deeply for some reason, though I hadn’t known what it meant until I researched it. Psychotherapeutic Massage. Using the healing touch of massage in combination with the mental healing of psychology.
In this way, I could help people like me, abuse victims, realize that touch is not always negative. The masseuses in psychotherapeutic massage focus on getting abused and touch-triggered victims to get used to, and eventually enjoy, experiencing positive touch without triggering or experiencing a flashback except with the permission of the victim, and the intent to heal that memory in the victim. In this way, I could also help myself to heal from my own experiences. I would have to “practice what I preach” and give advice that works because I know it works, because I’ve experienced the effects of what I would advise others to do.
Sometimes I feel as though I wasted 3 years on my Criminal Justice Associate’s. but then I remember, without my experiences with that, I would not have had the courage and education to realize that what I wanted was achievable. I couldn’t realize it before, because I was stuck so far in the box of un-education that I didn’t even know that there was a box. Now that I am not in that box anymore, I can allow myself to have far-reaching goals, goals that seem impossible but are able to be worked towards.
In the case of psychotherapeutic massage, I had no idea that such a niche existed until I read about it in that career book. I know that massage could heal, but to that depth? It never crossed my mind.
My name is Darian Trout. I am 22 years old and in my third year as an undergraduate in college. I am one course away from completing my Associate’s degree at Truckee Meadows Community College in Reno, Nevada. After I complete this degree, I plan on getting a Massage Therapy certificate and licensing, as well as a Master’s or higher in Counseling Psychology. My goal for the next 10 years is to become successful and happy as a Psycho-therapeutic Masseuse, working to help abuse victims to understand and enjoy positive touch. I have a facebook page under Darian Trout (the picture with the red-headed chess piece). I also have a Linked-In profile for my work in Security. I do not currently have a public profile for Massage Therapy.